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You've Got To Feel It To Heal It

Good Day, Good People...

It's Manifest It Monday...


I have friends whom I love and care for, who are going through a most devastating thing. The loss of a sibling. Often I write about what I'm experiencing knowing there are others experiencing the same thing. Here we go...💜💜💜

If you are also experiencing something like this know you have to feel it to heal It. The only way out is through. It is a natural human tendency to want to avoid, minimize, or eliminate painful feelings, thoughts, and experiences. We want to feel “good” and we don’t want to feel “bad.” For example, when people experience disappointment, loss, or tragedy, there is a strong temptation to move through it as quickly as possible and get back to “normal”. This might look like sweeping the feelings under the rug and refusing to talk about what happened.

I wouldn't advise it because unfortunately, this can lead to many problems, because pain is an unavoidable part of the human experience. Additionally, avoidance delays the necessary

process of engaging with the pain in order to move forward. To put it another way, avoiding

feelings won’t make them go away. You might be able to temporarily set them aside or

compartmentalize, but feelings that are not dealt with tend to grow and eventually come out in surprising and sometimes destructive ways.

Don't get the “I’m fine!” syndrome. There are lots of reasons why people want to avoid feeling “bad.” One of those reasons is that as a society we’ve bought into the myth that we should never feel bad, that painful experiences and emotions are somehow unnatural. As a result of this belief, when the pain inevitably comes, people start to think there is something wrong with them and that no one else is struggling. That everyone else has it all together.

People don’t often or readily talk about the struggles they are experiencing so it’s easy to

believe that most people have it easy and can’t relate to your painful experiences. Another

reason people use avoidance strategies is that pain makes us feel vulnerable and weak.

Vulnerability and weakness are viewed negatively in our culture so anything associated with them must be avoided. What are some reasons you might use avoidance strategies?

Wondering what to do when changes do come? Painful experiences are a normal and unavoidable part of life. These experiences can be sudden and unexpected, such as an

accident or a devastating diagnosis. They can also be expected, such as a move or other

transition. They can last for days, weeks, and even years. The question is not if you will

experience them. It’s when you do how will you respond? Accepting that painful experiences and feelings will come is an important step in this process and will free you up to cope in healthy and helpful ways.

I regularly remind myself, friends, family, and clients that “You have to feel it to heal it.” Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that an experience can bring, without judging those feelings. Take time every day to do check-ins with yourself. Talk to trusted friends and family. Write in a journal. Engage with a spiritual community. Take care of your body with exercise, a healthy diet, and sleep. Take breaks when you need them, such as a day off work or having someone watch the kids while you take time to yourself.

Finally, don’t put a timeframe on how quickly you should return back to “normal.” This puts unnecessary stress and pressure on you. Also, understand that you may end up with a new normal. This experience has the potential to grow and shape you. Just remember you have to feel it to heal it.

Thank you for taking this journey with me 😊

Light ☀️ Love 🤟🏽 and Harmony ☯

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